So I’m driving to work when suddenly I am faced head on with a jogger. There is no sidewalk, no shoulder, nowhere to go to avoid him but, you guessed it, into the oncoming lane. And the fact that he is jogging against traffic on a winding road with no possible place to dodge an oncoming vehicle is not even what I hold questionable. What I find to be unbelievable is that he is jogging in 110 degree heat with a humidity level of can’t even breathe when I’m standing still.
I swerve quickly into the opposing lane to avoid striking him down, though I am tempted to hit him, if only to put him out of his misery. I’ve got to admit, he is dedicated.
I’ve never been that dedicated to anything, least of all exercise. I’ve always thought I don’t actually have a weight problem, just an aversion to sweating. The extra pounds are just a symptom.
And I don’t have a problem with joggers. Well…other than the fact that they make me feel bad about my own sedentary life, with all of their neither rain nor snow nor desert -like heat will stop me from running my daily 5 miles. I mean, how are the rest of us supposed to live up to such standards.
There I am, watching the sweat pour from his body through rolled up windows, the AC cranked so high, my skin is flapping like that guy from the 1980’s Memorex commercials, and I can’t help but think that he looks like he is going to keel over at any moment, causing a traffic jam that will leave me without enough time to stop for a double caramel frappaccino with extra whipped cream.
And I have to admit, the jogging against traffic thing kind of irritates me. I mean, it is really a safety hazard. Besides, it’s harder for me swear at you if I have to make eye contact first.
I’m sure the jogging enthusiasts are going to send me email. Or worse, form a mob and show up at my door, forcing me to run alongside, daring me to keep up without passing out from heat exhaustion, dehydration or ice cream withdrawal.
Perhaps I should draw the curtains and live by the light of the computer screen, keeping them at bay by proclaiming my new found love of this daily activity. I can blog entries marking my progress, my renewed body and spirit and my overall healthy lifestyle.
And maybe someday I’ll even venture outdoors and try it for real. Someday when it is cooler…but not too cold. Until that day when the absolute perfect weather for jogging occurs, I’ll just blog about it from the comfort of my air conditioned living room.
