I’m convinced that all those drivers who cut me off on the road and run red lights are headed to Costco. Every time I make my semi-annual trip there, the parking lot experience alone causes me to rush home and scope the internet for a quiet town to relocate to.
On the inside, the people with their enormous empty carts won’t think twice about taking out a four year old as they circle the sample food stands. To Costco, it’s a free sample. But apparently, if you eat 20 of them, it’s a free lunch…for a family of six.
Friends always wonder at the fact that I can go to Costco and come out having only spent $20.00. The truth is, my aversion to being knocked in the rear by someone else’s cart at every turn far outweighs my need to browse for a 30 lb. box of granola.
When I go to Costco, I have a clear mission. Get in, get the four items that actually make the trip worthwhile and get out. The first 2 are easy, the latter requires waiting on a long line but hey, once a year I really need that $15 sheet cake. And I get to pass the time by hearing the one sided cell phone conversations of everyone waiting on line around me.
When I finally reach the exit, I have to wait in yet another line so that someone can check that the 4 items in my cart match what is printed in my receipt. Because, you know, I might be trying to smuggle out a giant package of toilet paper, hoping to go unseen.
I actually need to go to Costco now, but have been procrastinating. I actually have a need for a giant box of candy bars to make favors for her birthday party. And of course, I need to order a birthday cake. There’s just no other place that can provide a cake to feed 40 people for $14.99. So I suppose my venture will happen soon.
Perhaps I should wait until noon. I hear they offer a free lunch.
